Back story: My husband and I have been living together for seven years, married for four. I vaguely remember the man that I first moved in with -- he occasionally cooked for us [food that he was comfortable making -- fine with me!] and cleaned up after himself, did the dishes at least. The longer we're together, the less housework he feels "obligated" to do. It's been years since he cooked for us (he'll occasionally microwave something for himself) or did the laundry and it's gotten to a point where he'll spill something on the floor or make a mess doing something and...walk away from it. Right now, our housework relationship could be described as secular fundie where I am expected to do *everything* from cooking to cleaning to laundry. Unfortunately, my husband is kind of lazy and thus I'm also expected to do a lot of fundie man chores such as the majority of the yard work, taking out the garbage, generally fixing things around the house, etc. My husband does mow the lawn - his one, single chore! - but not very often because summer in Kansas is hot.
His response: he is the breadwinner! He pays the bills and the mortgage and for food so he shouldn't have to do anything that he doesn't want to do when he gets home. I might have sympathy for this argument if he worked a job that was physically or psychologically demanding or put in a lot of hours at work every week or even if he had a job where my frugal family spending wasn't necessary to keep us from going under every month. This was also his same response when I was working part-time (20 hrs) and going to nursing school full-time (10 hours physically in classes, another 24+ hours in clinical, plus homework and study time). If, by some absolute miracle that isn't going to happen in my life time, I actually managed to get a nursing job and was making as much or even more than he does, I know it would morph into: but you only work three days a week! I work five! blah blah. He's lazy and doesn't like doing housework.
I made a poll several months ago about division of labor in relationships and was stunned to see that the vast majority of replies where at least 50/50, even with only one person working full-time outside of the home.
I guess my question is: can this be changed? has anyone had any success with a more equal division of housework?
I'm not asking for much. I get that I'm not doing anything right now except studying for the NCLEX and hoping that I do get a job eventually. (Hah, hah.) But he makes it seem like such a chore when I ask him to put his dirty dishes in the sink or his dirty clothes in the hamper or to change out the toilet paper roll when it is empty or to throw out an empty milk container...coming from the same man who has been nagging me about us having a child. I've told him bluntly that I do not want to have a child with someone who can't even remember to put the dog outside to pee (I was gone overnight and came home to the dog having pissed and crapped all over the house, despite me calling several times to remind him to put the dog out while I was gone) -- he just gets angry and rolls his eyes like I'm over-exaggerating something.
So, yeah! Things get even worse than having your husband emotionally cheat on you with some woman nearly twice his age on WoW. I sometimes feel like I married a man who is emotionally stuck at fourteen -- I keep expecting things to get better as we get older together but they just get worse.